just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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