i barfeds in our rink
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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