I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
