I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
