It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
