Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
