Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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