It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
