as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
