My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
