The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
