i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
