I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
