I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
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