I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
