Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
