I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
