Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
