I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
