Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
