Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
