So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
