So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
