don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize