we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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