Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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