Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
