We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize