he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
