maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
there is glitter all over my balls
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
