eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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