weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
