you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
