does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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