he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize