so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
