My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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