Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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