omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
