Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
