I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
