Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
