okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
