Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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