my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
