so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
