do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize