My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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