Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
