I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He shit in the fireplace
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