i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
