Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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