SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
