You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
