I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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