is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
