and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
