I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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