Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
