I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
