If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
