its not stalking. its research.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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