i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
