you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize