yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
