If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
