me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
