God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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