at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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