I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
