i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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