I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
