As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
