imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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